So really — what is a Mandala?

I had heard that a Mandala is a "mirror," that each of us is, in a sense, a Mandala… Really?.. That claim always made me feel a strange irony and a faint, knowing smile :)

I never took it seriously, and then just a few years ago, quite by accident, mandalas pulled me in like magic.

At the time I was searching online for stencils to decorate notebooks, and that's when my eye caught a mandala stencil as a beautiful pattern — one I was sure I'd use purely as decoration.

That's how my love for mandalas began…

The repeating, perfectly even patterns settling gently onto the surface felt like a massage for my tired mind…

It's beautiful, it calms, it gives a sense of perfection and peace, and you want to repeat it again and again…

Very soon I began noticing more and more mandalas all around me — after all, you've surely heard that where attention goes, energy flows; whatever you focus on tends to show up more.

Liuba, who lived nearby for five years, invited me — as if on cue — to learn to draw them together, and without hesitation I wrote back to her. That's how my very first Mandala was born, still simple and completely misunderstood :), and also how a beautiful friendship that has now lasted many years began.

My first Mandala felt somehow unfinished. There was a certain circle within it that stayed empty — I simply couldn't find a colour that felt right there, so I left it as it was — with nothing.

My second Mandala was already a more serious piece of work. Our teacher Aurelija drilled into us that while drawing we should allow ourselves everything: "It's my mandala, and I draw it however I want."

Art therapy is powerful. It's a way that gently, yet very precisely, shows you your own inner issue.

That's exactly what happened to me that time. I sketched, drew and coloured my personal mandala fairly quickly and easily, but I felt very uneasy when, once again, a certain space stayed "clean," as if I simply didn't know which colour belonged there, and again I had to leave that space "empty"…

Since we had to upload our mandalas to the course group, I panicked that mine would be "different," that it wouldn't look like everyone else's, that it wouldn't be filled and finished, covered in shapes and ornaments the way we're used to seeing. And my mind searched for ways to hide it — I tried grabbing any colour and just filling it in — and you know what, it just wouldn't work!!! It simply wouldn't, no matter what!!! The tension rose again — how would this look? How uncomfortable, that mine would be different from what's usually expected — a mandala with an empty space, as if unfinished… I won't hide it — it took some doing before I made peace with myself, and only after remembering the reassuring mantra "It's my mandala and I draw it however I want" did I leave it as it had "come" to me, and I waited anxiously for the next day of the mandala course.

And, to my "horror," that's exactly what happened :) — among the whole group of mandalas, mine stood out as different, and seeing that, I felt terribly uncomfortable…

Now, a few years on, I understand and accept that I am, indeed, different.

And I always knew it, but it was terribly frightening and unsafe to accept that truth about myself, because subconsciously it often means that if you're different, you won't fit in with the group, you'll be cast out, and, in a sense, doomed… Being different from the majority can feel like being an albino: subconsciously it doesn't feel safe, and may even feel like a threat to survival…

So back then my personal mandala, in a way, unmasked me… And, luckily, it happened in an environment that felt safe for me and for us, where my mind and subconscious received the message: everything is fine, you are safe just as you are, and there will always be people who accept you exactly as you are…

That's how a mandala reflects us, and there's no escaping it. You draw only what comes to you in that moment, and in truth, you're placing your bare soul onto that sheet of paper… You support yourself, and stand honestly before yourself, beautifully and without any lies.

As for what truth those empty spaces in my first mandalas were speaking of, I'll share that with you in person, during sessions or creative workshops :)